by William A. Smith & Andrew R. Looney

Best friends, Bernie Bloomberg and Sol Rabinowicz have operated their own hardware store in New York, for 50 years. It all comes apart after Bernie defaults on a loan from mobsters. Sol pretends they are themselves mobsters and sets about threatening to kill the local kingpin, “Joey Legs.” It’s no surprise, then, when Sol and Bernie end up in the witness protection program in Texas, they have some difficulty “fitting in.”

  • Cast Size: 2M
  • Running Time: About an Hour
  • Royalty Rate: $50 per performance

Order Script Copies

Order Digital Download (Will NOT download to phones, cannot be printed)


About the Playwrights

William A. Smith is an alumnus of the American Academy of Dramatic Arts and over the past forty-some-odd years, has acted, sung, performed, directed, produced, and/or written hundreds of performances. He is an honorably discharged U.S. Navy veteran, with a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology and a Doctorate in Jurisprudence, both from the University of Houston.

Andrew R. Looney is an experienced stage and film actor, director, voice-over artist, comedian, singer, television broadcaster, and theatrical producer with more than 35 years of experience. He is known especially for physical comedy and improvisation. Andrew is an alumnus of North Texas State University.

Average Rating: 5.0 out of 5 (1 votes)
5 stars
4 stars
3 stars
2 stars
1 star
Donald E. Baker

Just Plain Hilarious

Bernie and Sol are two old Jewish guys who’ve known each other all their lives and owned a hardware store together. No doubt they were probably bickering the whole time. The situation is absurd, the costumes–especially in the Texas scene–are walking sight gags, and the dialogue, full of malapropisms and affectionate digs at one another, is hilarious. These are roles two older comedic actors will have a ball doing as the audience laughs from start to finish.

10 months ago

Review Lox and Loaded.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *